I was just leaving work, about a block down the road (Congaree Rd. at Patewood Dr / Halton Rd for those that know the area). The light on Congaree turns yellow and the Toyota 4Runner (read: pussy wanna-be SUV) in front of me shows no indication of stopping, so I decide I’ll be a little balsy and take a hard yellow to make my right, hoping I’ll beat some traffic if I hurry.

As the 4Runner crosses the white line, apparently a car turning from the opposite direction had decided they were going to go now that the light was yellow… nevermind the 2 oncoming cars that are still doing 35mph.

The 4Runner slams on the breaks and horn and comes to a dead stop blocking the right-most of two lanes of traffic. I follow suit a split second later… Unfortunately, I happen to be a foot or so behind a large metal plate a work crew has left in the middle of the intersection for over a week now. The brakes kick in just in time for me to hit the metal plate and go sliding an extra 6 feet, before the rear brakes kick in and manage to slow me to a stop, barely 6 inches off the rear bumper of the 4Runner.

Now that the asshole who decided he was going to turn has gone on and made it half a block down the road and the light has been read for several seconds while traffic going perpendicular to us has started turning, the small pickup truck behind me has stopped well behind the white line, allowing about 3 carlengths of room for me to back up. I throw it in reverse and retreat behind the white line, but the 4Runner in front of me decides just to sit there… still blocking the right lane of traffic.

I’m sitting there, wondering when the driver of the 4Runner is going to get the point and throw it in reverse to let traffic pass, when another truck pulls up beside me in the turn lane. Both of our windows are down, and the passenger of the truck strikes up a conversation. When you’re reading this dialogue, remember that both guys in this truck are big burly construction workers (as evident by the myriad of power tools, etc. in the back of the truck):

Passenger: At least you had the sense to back up! They’re just going to block traffic!
Me: (shaking my head in disgust) That damn moron!
Driver: It must be a woman! Her depth perception is off!
Me: Nope, it’s a guy… But he’s got a woman with him, maybe he got distracted.

[The truck beside me scoots up a few feet.]

Passenger: (staring and starting to drool) Damn, what a woman!
Driver: (also staring) Yeah, I’d sure as hell get distracted by that!
Me: Yeah? Maybe she can come back here and make it up to me…
Passenger: Hell, it keeps you from getting bored…
Me: Heh, I guess you have to keep it interesting somehow…

[Turn light turns green, they pause for a few seconds.]

Passenger: Welp, nice talking to you.
Driver: Try not to keep it too interesting!

[We all laugh and they drive off.]

It was by far one of the weirdest conversations I’ve ever had in traffic… But hey, you’ve gotta keep life interesting somehow, right?

Originally published and updated .
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